I started this book back in July, which means it's taken me about four months to complete reading it. This is not abnormal for a print book! And sometimes I start these things because I know I need to learn some lessons, but then I get part way through and find resistance.
It's easy for me to ignore the print books, even when they are the most obvious ones, glaring at me from shelves and headboards, and side tables.
ANYWAY.
A week or so ago I decided (as is very common for me at this point in the year) to complete reading those print books that have been languishing on my 'currently reading' pile. I started with this one because it's much less personally challenging than the boundaries book.
This book is basically a challenge to the 'busy is best' and productivity push that we have in our world to always be doing, to be earning, to be improving, seeking success. I admit that I grew up believing that I always had to be doing better, doing more, working harder, and I realized recently that I have this weird internal core belief that I am only valuable/important/worthy of love (ACK! I hate admitting that) if I am useful to other people. Which is very gross.
The challenge with chronic illness, and in particular invisible illness, is that you don't LOOK sick, so it feels like you're always having to explain why you're not doing the things that you feel like you should just be able to do. And internally, for me at least, I am often fighting against that desire to be and do more vs the need I have to rest.
An interesting thing has happened since I started this blog though, and that is that I spend a lot less time on my computer. I rest a lot more. I'm actively seeking ways to bring more joy and pleasure to my life. I've discovered that hanging out with the right people feeds my soul, and that while I need (and currently get) hours of solitude (hello, 3am dog alarm), I need my people too.
I've also discovered just how much I enjoy voice notes. This book loves the idea of phone calls, but I find them hard for a number of reasons, however, I fucking love voice notes. I love hearing the voices of my friends and family. I love being able to listen to something again if I feel like I missed something or want to confirm what was said, or if there is a message that just makes me smile. When one of my co-writers sends me a 9-minute ramble on messenger, I love to listen to her tell me about her day, her ideas, her thoughts, her processes. I love listening to her surroundings too, knowing she's chatting to me as she walks along a busy street, or when she's sitting in her spa, birds trilling in the background. I love hearing her voice because the book has this right - we can tell SO much more about how a person is feeling by hearing their voice than we can over text message. And I get to do that in my own time, when I am ready. I love hearing from another pal whose sarcasm and wit comes through via his voice notes so much more than it does on text. I love hearing my friends. My people. I can tell how they are feeling, and my brain/heart/love/compassion for them swells. I swear having had many conversations and voice notes with my Canadian co-writer was a huge contributor to the way we instantly gelled when we met in person, as naturally as if I'd known her in the flesh for years but just hadn't seen in her an age.
I really should have made Ode to the Voice Note its own post, huh? lol
Back to the main point of the post...
I don't think I'm less productive than I was when I was spending a lot more of my time here, butt in chair, eyes on the screen, fingers hovering over the keyboard. However, I am less stressed. I no longer feel constantly busy. I feel like I have plenty of time to get things done (most of the time anyway lol). I have less guilt about enjoying books or time with family/animals/people.
Note: I am still doing so many of the things I was before, but now that I'm not sitting at my computer letting myself feel overwhelmed by them, now that I'm taking breaks and giving myself more space and time to just breathe, I can see that I HAVE the time, and I'm using it more wisely.
This book explains a lot of why it works out that way. It provides ample research and evidence to show that actually, staring at your screen isn't the best use of your time. That taking breaks is vital. That hobbies and social time are incredibly valuable, and that while we resist things like phone calls and going out to catch up with people, those things give us way more value than we're aware of. It pulls from history, neuroscience, and social science to show how important it is to change our habits (and not just in the 'stop being on your damn phone all the time' way) in order to better thrive.
Because, despite the fact that we're so technologically advanced and should theoretically have easier lives, it feels like a lot of people are sad, stressed, overworked, exhausted, and really fucking done with the status quo.
Admittedly, there was a lot more of the history and theory/thinking stuff than I thought there would be going in, but it was fascinating to read how we've changed over time and consider how quickly technology has advanced vs the speed at which humans evolve (ie: nowhere near as fast). Ultimately, it confirmed all the things I've been trying to change already, which, let's face it, is always something we humans like.
*Pats self on back* Good job, Cassie.
I recommend this if you like this kind of history/social dissection or need convincing to quit working so hard (because you'll probably still get as much done as you do now, but you'll be happier/less stressed, and I would love that for you).
I heard something yesterday ... these things we do for our peace make up a Korowai that protects nurtured and loves us - ur wearing it well e kare xxx
relatable journey