Enrichment: Lessons from Harlow

A well-rounded canine enrichment program should include five types of enrichment activities – social, nutritional, occupational, sensory, and physical.

While we're not here to talk about canines, it's through learning about enrichment for Harlow that I realized what was missing in my life.

I go through the motions. I do the things I need to do. I mother, and wife, and cook and clean. I exercise. I drive teens around. We have our routines. I do the things that need to be done.

Let me be honest: I don't enjoy many of them. I don't like cooking, I hate trying to plan meals for the family, the housework is never complete, the garden is overgrown so badly that I've considered getting pots to plant flowers in just because it seems easier, but those would also need to be weeded eventually. The frequent short trips out of the house are not enjoyable because I am literally a taxi for the most part and it breaks up any flow I might have had going at home doing the things I enjoy (like writing!) or the things I'm being paid to do (editing, mentoring, other miscellaneous things). 

But those things need doing.

So, how can I enrich my life?

Well, I've learned a few things from Harlow about that, and also taken onboard what I now know from the road trip I took with my two overseas visitors, and I'm going to apply that learning to each of the areas of enrichment. 

Also, as an aside, this all cracks me up immensely because a few weeks ago a friend tweeted that she felt like a golden lab when she's excited about things, and I responded that I felt less like a dog and more like a cat because I only want to be perceived on my own terms, but damn, I am totally some kind of canine. 

Social: Like dogs need to be around other dogs and people, so do I. Mostly dogs, but people are good at times. What I know is that I am most fuelled by smaller groups and more intimate conversations. I fucking hate small talk. Gods, I loathe it. I also hate large crowds where all the noise blends together and drowns me so that I can barely tell what a person near me is saying.

But when I have the opportunity to real talk and go deep with people, to think and articulate and question and ponder and brainstorm? That's what gives me energy. This has been clarified over and over throughout August, with the highlights of the Romance Writers conference being the conversations I had outside of the sessions (the programme was fabulous, don't get me wrong! But I realized I find that as draining as informative, and so I need to pick and choose carefully in future). The long car drives and conversations with my friends. The way those all sparked my brain and made me feel connected and grounded. Full.

I need more small catch ups with smart, connected people who I love.

Nutritional: I don't even want to talk about food (see earlier, when I mentioned how little I enjoy this aspect of life). I am SO grateful that my middle kid has taken an interest in cooking a wide range of dishes, trying new things, and basically reduced my chef duties by half. I am much happier chopping things than trying to figure out what flavour profiles work together. The kid is delighting tastebuds while catering to those in our family with less refined palettes. They rock.

I will say that being away meant I was eating things I didn't normally and got me to extend myself a little. One night we had a cheese platter for dinner from a lovely place in Christchurch and the slices of pear were AMAZING. I can't remember the last time I ate pear. It's not something I think about very often. It reminded me that sliced fruit always tastes better than whole fruit too. That there are no doubt other things I could enjoy immensely, if I open myself up to them.

Occupational: Work is work, right? No. No, it's not. Sometimes it's soul destroying. Sometimes it is a means to an end. Sometimes you said yes to a bunch of things you shouldn't have because they looked shiny at the time, or that bill was coming due soon, and you just needed to make sure it was covered. 

And sometimes, you're really lucky because your husband has a decent job and you've basically always been a single income family, and despite the fact the cost of living is Ridiculous, you can make it work. You always make it work. But you'll probably still keep saying yes to things because money is money, and you have another kid who will need braces in the near future...

I'm very privileged. I know this. And I don't think we can talk about occupation without touching on money because we all need to live, and we can't all just go 'screw you, evil day job! I choose joy!'

But maybe we can all choose more joy where we can. And maybe this is more about hobbies than occupations. Maybe it's about filling our well. Maybe this is more about 'education' than 'occupation' when it comes to humans. For myself, I know I lead with the Learner Strength (Gallup), and so I always feel happier, more engaged with life when I am actively learning something, for example, every time I pick a new knitting project I learn at least one new stitch, and then I get to practice it a lot and I know the stitch and this is wonderful.

What would enrich your job, or your hobby? I need to keep learning. I am thirsty for it and it gives me energy.

Sensory: I was tempted to change this one, and then I remembered that actually, it was the sensory stuff that made me want to write this post. We were walking the dog through the bush a few weeks ago and she caught scent of something delicious. Her nose was near the ground, head down, tail focused as she followed the trail. It led to a pile of horse crap. Which, of course, she thought was absolutely freaking amazing. Delightful! 

They remind people to stop and smell the roses, but for dogs' decay and excrement are infinitely more interesting. To be fair, I'm just as delighted when I find a corpse as I am by a beautiful flower, though I'm happy to leave shit for the dog.

That said, watching as she steps in every single puddle, tastes each patch of water, snuffles in mud, chomps on blades of dew damp grass are all reminders to me that when something captures my attention - whether it's a smell, an idea, an urge, a craving, a thread of story - it can be so worth it to chase that spark to its completion, because so often, I'm just like a dog when I get lost in an idea: once I have found that treasure at the end of the trail I too want to throw myself on it and roll around, getting all good and stanky. So very satisfying.

Physical: I want to ignore the physical, so maybe it's important that I don't. I spend a lot of time ignoring my body - mostly because it hurts all the time and that sucks. I get frustrated at any meditation that's all 'now, scan your body, how does it feel?' yada yada, because I just want to scream NO, fuck off! It hurts and I don't like it. It feels better to just generally hurt all over than to think about specific hurts. It's also better to completely trash my body by overdoing it and then know I've inflicted the pain on myself rather than it just being an innate part of my existence.

Yeah, I do not have a good relationship with my body... 

But maybe I could have a better one? I do really love my walks with Harlow, and as the weather warms up, I'm looking forward to getting back in the water as well. I used to love swimming, but somewhere along the line I forgot that and as my relationship with my body got worse, I just like to pretend I don't have one. I do, though. It's larger than I'm comfortable with, but it is strong and mostly does the things I need it to. And I love feeling strong (I might be chronically ill, but it hasn't stopped me being strong, just, you know, clumsy, exhausted, and pained lol). 

Clearly, this is an area that I need to work on. Finding ways to be in my body, to do things with it that give me energy. And not overdo it… Which, yeah, that’s a hard one for me. Why do just ten minutes of gardening when you could do it until your hands are shaking so bad you can’t hold anything and have to crumple into a ball on the couch?

I am ridiculous! This might be a long journey.

But now, it's time for our morning walk. 

Harlow loves the clifftops. A few days ago she was sitting, watching the sea, as she does. For about ten minutes. We were just in one spot while she watched the ocean. Actually, I took a little clip and I shall insert that below. This is one of my fav places in the world (hers too, I'm realizing just how aligned we are). A guy came through on a bicycle and when he went to leave he called out, asking if she was an older dog because she seemed to want to stay seated. I laughed and said no, she's only 18months, she just enjoys watching.

I mean, salt on the air, seabirds flying about, the crash of the waves - what's not to love? This is our place.

And she knows it. She's content. She just wants to soak it all in.

Enriching her life.